Deathmatch Championship:Wicked Jester Vs The Beast

[Sanderson]

You should place your RPs here, if they are not placed here, they will not count

Only these participants are to post here, defy this rule and you will be disciplined

DEADLINE IS FRIDAY 14TH JANUARY MIDNIGHT GMT, 6PM EST

[Wicked Jester]

Violent J.

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The lights go out in the arena. As “F*** the world” by ICP begins to play, Thousands and thousands of little clown heads appear on the Extreme Vision Screen. All of them laughing then Wicked Jester bursts out from behind the curtains laughing and pointing everywhere until he gets to the ring. He slides right under the bottom rope. The fans stare in amazement as Wicked Jester stands in the center of the ring filling a bucket of water with what appears to be his finger. Jester raises his finger and looks up at it wondering why the water has ceased to pour out. A gush shoots from his finger, fans chuckle boisterously as Jester lowers his hand and pretends to turn off the spigot. Jester removes a handkerchief from his breast pocket and wipes away the water as light chuckles continue. Jester picks up the bucket, straining from the weight, he barely keeps from falling as he plods around the ring. Jester trips and tries to stop himself, as he launches the bucket contents right at referee Damien Smith. Confetti everywhere, to the shock of the referee as the fans blast into laughter. Jester hurls the empty bucket to a tinny clank on the ringside floor. He wipes confetti from referee Damien Smith's back as he regains some composure. Referee Smith further wipes confetti looking up confused as to why the laughter continues to grow. He spins around several times before reaching around to find the paper sign that Jester had plastered on his back. SHEEP, it read, as referee Smith glares across the ring at Jester before tearing it up. Jester raises his arms to his patented ‘The Clown Rules” stance as the fans clap amidst a few cheers.



****Fred Elliot****

That’s entertainment folks. You saw it here at the palatial ExWA. The wild foolery of this crazy new superstar, The Wicked Jester. Ladies and gentleman, do not be fooled by the silliness of this man for he is truly a force to be reckoned with. Not only has this shameless teaser raised eyebrows with his backstage antics, but he indeeeeeed has come to rumble. Just last week Wicked Jester achieved the pinnacle dream of all newcomers to the ExWA. He had the unheard of good fortune in his ExWA debut to be placed in a four way Death Match for the PPV title with some of the best talent the wrestling world has ever known. But wait ladies and gentleman…are you ready for this… Mr. Jester using the infamous swantan bomb shocked the competition and rocked the wrestling world. All of us here at the ExWA are excited to witness this amazing new talent from seemingly out of no where. Ladies and gentleman, it is in fact my truly great pleasure to introduce to the world today, That GRAND MASTER CLOWN The Wickeeeeeed Jester.

****
Jester bounces off the four sides of ropes with a poof of confetti each time, then reaches over to scoop up the microphone and returns to the center of the ring.

****Wicked Jester****
Thanks Fred and thank you fans. I knows that some of yous didn’t like me much at first and I knows that I didn’t like some of yous all that much either. Ha Ha Ha. Well I still don’t. You’re all sheep! And I am the sheer master. I am aware that many believe I took the Death Match title by some incredible fluke. Those who believe in such tripe shall come to know that they have been resting on their fat assets far to long to notice the dawning of a new age. The Age of the Clown. And I Wicked Jester am that clown. So…..so much for foolin around. Fred, It has come to my attention that the staff here at ExWA has unwittingly erred by placing me in a match against a man whom I have already shown to be out classed. This man has no paddle in which to fend against the raging current of the clown. This man is known as The Beast. Well Fred, I am a carnivore, I am hungry and this brawny Beast fellow looks like a drumstick to me. Let it be known here and now that I can’t be held responsible for the colossal mistakes of the staff. The tsunami is here and this one does not recede. Anyhow Fred, I have noticed that there are many trivial tasks to perform as a member of the ExWA federation together with mountains of administrative paper work. Dealing with the numerous fans that now needle me for an autograph and the super human training schedule that I have become accustomed to, it has become apparent that I delegate some of these trivialities out. It has been like searching for the proverbial needle in a hay stack. Finding that one person who could handle these duties and maintain the galactic reputation required of mediating for the Worlds Greatest Opportunistic Clown. You may ask Fred, is it possible that there could be such a person walking this inconsequential planet? I asked myself that very question Fred and I was surprised at the answer. The luck! The monumental good fortune Fred. I picked up my phone the other day while considering that question when out blurts, "hey Jester what’s happening". That was it Fred. It hit me square in the face like ton of bricks. It was my old compadre Violent J. I could hardly contain myself Fred. I knew right then that there was no one else that could possibly do the job but Violent J. I remained calm and went through the usual small talk that friends commonly do before popping the question. He couldn’t believe it, but we both knew it was right. We spent yesterday and all morning today working out the details and signing all of the papers. Just like that Fred. When it's right, it works. So, with that said Fred, and with the fans gracious permission. I would now like to introduce the man for whom I have spent much time with. The man who is the only one for the job. My old sparring partner and confidant. My new manager and true clown among clowns. VIOLENT J.

****
The lights go out in the arena. As “F*** the world” by ICP begins to play, Thousands and thousands of little clown heads appear on the Extreme Vision Screen. All of them laughing then Violent J. burst out from behind the curtains laughing and pointing everywhere until he gets to the ring .He slides right under the bottom rope. Violent J. dances around Jester.



****
The two clowns engage in a wacky clown roundhouse high five, with a spin around index finger touch followed by a double nose twister (the old clown handshake). The audience comes alive and rises to a defening roar with their standing ovation, shouting.

JESTER!!! JESTER!!! JESTER!!! JESTER!!! JESTER!!! [/color]
****
Jester takes Violent J's hand and the two raise their arms in victory. They strut around the ring pumping up the crowd then part from one another with double back flips further wowing the fever pitched crowd. After a time Jester motions the crowd for calm as the fans slowly simmer down. Jester cordially hands the microphone to Violent J.

****Violent J.****
Thank you, thank you. I can see there are many wanna be clowns in the audience tonight. I am extremely happy to be here with you. This is a dream come true for me. I have known Wicked Jester for many years as Bob-O the prankster clown at the Carnival of Carnage. Jester portrayed genius from an early age in the art of clownly dominance. He then began wrestling the strong man Hulk the Legend in sideshows at the Bristal Circus Review. With Jester's astonishing blend of quickness, balance, wrestling abilities and his propensity for the clownly ways, Wicked Jester fast arose to surpass all competition. The Carnival of Carnage ticket sales plummeted when their star attraction Bob-O the Prankster clown left. But we all knew he was destined for ultimate greatness and it is clear that he has found his true calling here at ExWA wrestling federation. Once again, I am happy to be working with The Great One Himself, The Hardcore Deathmatch Champion, The King Of Pranks, The WICKEEEEED JESTER!

JESTER!!! JESTER!!! JESTER!!! JESTER!!! JESTER!!! [/color]
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[lunatic]

living dead girl blasts over the p.a. as a man walks out from behind a curten and stairs down at jester but the lights are out and jester doesent even know lunatic is standing there. the light come on and jester cant beleave it he looks like he has seen a ghost.

lunatic:hey jester you think thats funny well i dont and maybe youll find out how funny it gets when i beat your ass all over this arena and put the earthquake on you like these fans aint laughing at you because they think its funny there laughing at you because your acting like an idiot maybe you should go in the back and think of how you want your ass kicked or maybe we can become good friends and rule this place as the best damn tag team the fed has ever seen what do you think of that or would you rather get your ass kicked and see what this lunatic is made of.

lunatic drops the mic and heads back to his locker room and slams the door.

[Dave Masters]

Only The Beast and Wicked Jester can post here. Check the rules.

[Sanderson]

Right, I am absolutely fed up with people disobeying the rules, either blatently, with no regard for authority, or absolute stupidity, but we want neither in this fed, so if anyone posts where they shouldn't again, they will be suspended for one month, and if they hold a title, that title will be vacated, if they do it twice, then they will be deleted.

READ THE CARD AND RP RULES

[Wicked Jester]

Beastial Conspiracy

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Violent J. tosses the microphone to Wicked Jester, then both exchange a dazzle of mock speed punches showing off the incredible quickness the clowns possess. Jester raises the mic.

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****Wicked Jester****
Thanks J; this is truly a momentous occasion. Never before have any witnessed the force of true clowns in the wrestling world. Ladies and gentleman, I would like to take a few moments to consider the upcoming match against The Beast. This man must hail from Podunk Nowhere. This Corn-fed and Pork-rhined loser couldn’t lick my boots, let alone ride a unicycle into glory. All we have here is an oversized wannabe Huckleberry, who somehow chaaaarmed the management into putting heiiiiim on the card against the soon to be recognized greatest wrestling talent that you folks will ever have the good fortune to witness. Well folks, I am a clown, and I know what’s funny. Good try management, but this aint it. The Beast is strong. The Beast is brawny. The Beast is Brave. The Beast has a lot of heart. These attributes may be very desirable down on the farm, but this is a world class wrestling federation, not a barnyard. I hope management had at least the good sense to over insure this wrestler. To pit this type of wrestler against a master of the clowny ways is exactly the type of situation where someone really gets maimed. Don’t you guys have enough yachts, race cars, and girly toys to line your fat bank accounts? Or do you just get off on watching big, dumb, defenseless animals get hurt? Well folks, I am not without a heart. I will attempt to put this poor Beast down graciously, but put him down, I will. For I have a mission. A mission for which no man…nor Beast shall redirect me from. It is not about the money. It is not about cheap thrills of bringing pain or seeing it brought upon others. It is not even about personal glory. I am here to prove to the world, that there is one and only one fighting style for which no other style can beat. And I am the grand master of that style…The Clowning Way. As for you Beast, You can plow fifty acres by hand this week and it still won’t get you into the shape necessary to compete with this clown. It is not about brawn. It is not about bulk. It is not even about determination. It is about many things, none of which you possess. I have not received a notice that you can’t show up or that you stubbed your toe so you will have to bow out of this match. So it is clear to see that there is another attribute which you do not posses. Plain and simple…good common sense! Let me help you out Beast. Let me be the bearer of bad tidings…You…can’t…win. Ok now folks, watch me, watch very close as I attempt to put this in a way that The Beast, and some of you out there can understand.

****
Violent J. hands Jester a watch and a tuft of hay from a green striped satchel.

****Wicked Jester****
Ladies and gentleman, this is a solid gold Rolex. This represents the management who came up with the idea of pitting The Beast against the clown. You see this. This is what it looks like…plain old hay.

****
Jester sets the watch and hay down upon the ring floor as Violent J. hands Jester a plastic toy ox from the green striped satchel. Jester shows the ox from side to side.

****Wicked Jester****
Do you see this? You guessed it. This is The Beast.

****
Jester sets the ox on the ring floor beside the watch and hay.

****Wicked Jester****
Ok now, I’m management. Hey Beast, wouldn’t you like this nice pretty tuft of hay?

****
Jester waggles the ox and the watch as if they were talking then pulls from his pocket a small round toy clown head on a stick and sets the clown head on top of the hay.

****Wicked Jester****
Hey Beast, all you have to do is crush that silly clown and you can have the nice hay.

****
Jester carefully stacks the hay, the clown head, the ox and sets the watch on top.

****Wicked Jester****
Now ladies and gentleman, what is it that is wrong with this picture? No? You don’t know. Well, let me help you out ladies and gentleman.

****
Jester stands up, then runs for the ring ropes bouncing side to side and hopping over the small pile of toys as Violent J. flips the big axe known as Mr. Axee into the air. Jester leaps to retrieve it, then twirls Mr. Axee and brings him down broad faced upon the pile of toys. Parts and pieces scatter violently as Jester skids to a stop flipping Mr. Axee back to the care of Violent J. Jester peers out at the dumbfounded amazement of the crowd and resumes the microphone.

****Wicked Jester****
Now Ladies and Gentleman, let’s take a look at the outcome of our little experiment here. What’s this? Crushed and broken pieces of The Beast.

****
Violent J. Picks up the still spinning clown head from the ringside floor and tosses it back up to Jester.

****Wicked Jester****
And what do we have here? Why it’s the little clown…virtually unscathed. Ladies and gentleman, this is my point. This is what I’m talking about. The management here is attempting to use their gullible Beast of burden to dictate compliance of the clown. This cannot be done for the price of a tuft of hay. To even attempt to not recognize the overwhelming dominance of the clown guarantees harsh revisitation to the errors of ones ways. Let’s look a little further. Hmm, notice this dangling mess that use to be a fine watch. Why how could this be? Management isn’t involved in this upcoming battle. Oh contraire, ExWA is not the same old choreographed malarkey that the masses are use to. This is the real thing. And real people get really hurt. Size, girth and heart are no match for a master of the deadly way of the clown. Though it may be quite a show to those twisted sorts who like to pull the legs off of daddy longlegs or burn ants with a magnifying glass, but I am The King of Pranks and those pranks are deadly. If ExWA wants the best then ExWA had best recognize the clown is here to compete with only the best. I, The Wicked Jester am not here to go cow tipping for management.

****
The wide eyed fans look around at each other as Jester fritters the hay into the air. Then he and Violent J. swing over the ropes and walk up the ramp into immortality.

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[Wicked Jester]

Wicked Brew

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The cauldron simmers and bubbles as more logs are applied to the fire. The Under Lord Voltar adds basil and hound’s-tooth to the unearthly blend, then continues to stir in slow deliberate sweeps. Hovel the hunchback enters the cave lair of the doomed favoring his disease filled stump as he limps up beside the thick black kettle. He raises a small cage and peels back its cover.



****Hovel****
Master, I have brought the bird as you wished, Master. A pure white unfettered female dove. She is exquisite Master. The Birdman told me that she is the finest of his entire aviary. Nary a single blemish Master. I got a great deal on her Master. She only cost two gold sovereigns. Here are the eight gold sovereigns in change back Master.



****Voltar****
IDIOT! I told you to pay ten. The spell is designed to work with a bird that has been purchased for ten. I have already taken care of your family, given you a hump and filled an extremity with disease. Now go back and pay the other eight sovereigns to the Birdman or I will use your heart for my summoning concoction.

****
Hovel sets the cage on a wooden table, bows and limps away as Voltar returns his gaze to the swirling ooze. Demons dance in the smoky steam that rises to hover upon the cave’s ceiling. Voltar smiles with approval as he dreams of finally stepping up the potency that he may direct a Demon more terrible than any that this world has ever seen. Finally, the ecstasy, the power, the fulfillment, the everlasting victory of laying to waste all final hopes for the new age that is swelling up for mankind. For many years the darkness had reigned to the exquisite satisfaction of the Dark Under Lords. Their iniquitous plan of deceit thought complete. All the while a seed left unseen had been growing. The plan was thought perfect for it left no out for the light of truth and right to prevail. Good could simply be stricken by their complex maze that masked evil as if it were the good. All control was within the Dark Under Lords grasp. Voltar worked unswervingly as he thought back to the council of Dark Under Lords decision to leave their last best hopes in his capable hands. Of all at the council, it was well known that Voltar was the finest alchemist of the dark side. Dark over light, it had been done; it should have remained so simple. But none had figured on the grey. The neutral grey was thought only as the struggle between the light and the dark. But an unexpected seed had taken root and begun to grow in the most unlikely place on the planet. That grey seed had been allowed to flourish unperceived and uninterrupted until now. That grey seed had now flowered into the wildest of color and pattern. All the earth had been covered in darkness. But now the darkness yielded to that one spot of grey that threatened to unravel eons of evil deeds. Voltar’s direction was now clear as he cried out the name of his nemesis.

****Voltar****
WICKED JESTER!

****
How could it be that a crazy clown entering the wrestling world could be of any threat to the Dark Under Lords total and unforgiving control over the entire world? It made no sense. There were numerous styles of combat and all were well understood by the council. But all were unvaryingly based upon the ethics of good or evil. There was one and only one long forgotten about form of combat that was based on something other than either outcome. It had its base without reason at all. It was simply what it was. There were no books, it hadn’t been written about in mythology or legend. It couldn’t be studied or learned. It was the ancient art of The Clowning Way. Possession of this power could only happen through worthy decendency and total immersion. It lacked all good. It lacked all evil. It rose to the epitome of complex perplexion. Voltar continued to stir with the determination of a wharf rat gnawing off it’s own leg to escape a bear trap. The council of Dark Under Lords had tried every spell, potion and dark sorcery available upon leaning of the grey matter. They had sent legions of hirelings zombies and mechanics to liquidate this fool. But all to no avail. The best that they could do was to slow him down by curbing his rise to glory. They instilled in the minds of the ExWA staff itself to blind them from seeing the penetrating all encompassing dominance of The Clowning Way. Yet The Wicked Jester coolly carried on. Voltar knew that somehow this man was immortal. He knew that he had to build a bridge directly to the most high of the undead itself. He knew that the grey must be stopped. Voltar added bat wings and hyena knees to the bubbling green slurry. He muttered ancient incantations as he prepared for the final ingredient. With surgeon like proficiency he dissected from the live dove, the still beating heart and plopped it into the center of the mix. At last the potion is complete thought Voltar as the blend began to rise and spatter. It gurgled and whirled and grew. In limped Hovel, eyes fixed on the growing green mass while munching down the last of a maple bar. The dark green slime slowly mushed into a shape that began to take on the form of a hideous clown as Voltar asked Hovel from where he got the maple bar from.

****Hovel****
Oh, the nice Birdman was so happy about the eight gold sovereigns that he told me for ten gold sovereigns I get a maple bar too.

****
The hideous clown looked down at Voltar and whispered.



**** Hideous Clown****
Haven’t you heard fool. Wicked Jester is The King of Pranks!


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