Dirty Grave Match: Vegito vs. Spike

[Shane Powers]

The ExWA cameras flair to life focused on a crucifix that is lying down before an open grave, bathed in purple and blue lights on the stage. Flashbulbs go off in the crowd as the camera pulls back to show Norris Cole standing in the ring waiting to announce the next match.

Dean Malenko: Welcome back folks! Before we went to commercial break, Chronic mad his announcement that Shades Of Sin will face off against The Federation in a T.H.C. match for control of the Hardcore Title. If Shades Of Sin wins they will cement themselves as the most dominate faction that ExWA has ever seen.

Ian Dawe: I don’t like the concept. All the odds are stacked in the favor of Shades Of Sin. It’s not fair. I mean the Chambers are going to be filled with pot smoke? What kind of crap is that?

Malenko: Nonetheless, I think this is going to prove to be one hell of a main event. Speaking of Shades Of Sin, they are setting the ring up for the Dirty Grave match between World Heavyweight Champion Vegito and former Hardcore Champion Spike. This should be a real treat to watch.

Dawe: I can’t wait to see Spike tear Vegito apart. Vegito has had this coming to him for a long time.

Malenko: He’s had this coming to him? What do you mean?

Dawe: Look at Shades Of Sin. They parade around here like they own the place and hog up all the titles. It’s time for someone else to have a chance to hold the titles.

Malenko: Well, if Spike wins tonight, his partner Morbid Angel gets another shot at the World Heavyweight Title. And if Morbid Angel wins his I Quit Match against Triple D, they both get to face Vegito in a Triple Threat Match World Heavyweight Belt. Your wish could be granted.

Dawe: That’s why I’m rooting for Spike to win.

Malenko: Well, backstage rumor is that Spike stole Mary Jane’s purse a few days ago. This isn’t a part of any storyline folks, this happened for real. Apparently, Spike broke in through a sliding glass door while Chronic and Mary Jane were not home and took her purse. I just wonder how that is going to factor in this match, since Vegito IS Mary Jane’s and Chronic’s teammate. Norris Cole is ready to announce the match. Let’s go down to the ring.

Norris Cole: This next match is the Dirty Grave match. To win one of the men must be tied to the crucifix and buried face down in the grave. Introducing first from New York…The Former Hardcore Champion Spike!!!

The lights go out in the arena. As “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana begins to play, a large spiked face figure appears on the Action Vision Screen. Red Flames erupt around the stage and through the flames, Spike bursts out from behind the curtain. The fans start booing and throwing rotten tomatoes, potatoes, apples, and other items too disgusting to describe. The scenes on the Action Vision Screen change, showing Spike's face, then some of his spectacular powerhouse moves. He puts his arms up to fend off the rotten filth being thrown at him and finally beings to run down the ramp under another barrage . He slides into the ring and prepares to face his opponent with ANGER as the fans stop throwing garbage and begin to chant.

THIEF!!!!!!!!!!THIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Norris Cole: And his opponent from parts unknown…The Currant World Heavyweight Champion Vegito!!!

The arena goes pitch black as the fans begin to cheer. 3 Gongs are heard through out the arena and the fans get louder. Then the light is focused on Vegito and then a flame forms a V just above his head. He looks on and the crowd is blowing the roof off the arena while Force Your Way is being played. He stands for a few seconds and the lights dim out slightly. He goes to the stairway and raises his arms in the air. He gets in the ring and takes out his right hand and holds it like a fist leaving his thumb and slides it across his throat to signal the end for Spike. He takes off his hat and coat and is ready to kill. Spike swallows hard and looks at Vegito with doubt in his eyes.

Malenko: If the fans hated Spike before, they despise him now. He messed with the wrong couple in Chronic and Mary Jane. The Chronicaholics want to see Vegito rip Spike apart with his bare hands. This crowd is bloodthirsty!!! And who can blame them? Nobody likes a thief.

Dawe: You know I hadn’t heard the rumor about Spike stealing Mary Jane’s purse. That’s news to me. But now that I know that Spike can’t be trusted, I hope Vegito sends him to the hospital in an ambulance.

Vegito and Spike lock up in the center of the ring. Vegito knees Spike in the gut and as Spike doubles over, Vegito hits Spike with an uppercut. Spike’s head snaps back as he flies through the air and land on his back. Vegito pick Spike up, but Spike pushes Vegito away and wobbles over to the corner. As Vegito closes in, Spike sidesteps and slams Vegito’s head into the top turnbuckle. Then Spike begins to put the boots to Vegito. He stomps Vegito down and walks away, leaving Vegito’s head against the bottom turnbuckle. Suddenly, Spike turns and runs at Vegito in an attempt to smash Vegito’s head between his knee and the turnbuckle. Vegito rolls out of the way in the nick of time and Spike slams his knee into the turnbuckle. He howls in pain and starts to limp around the ring as Vegito stands. Vegito grabs Spike, Irish Whips him into the ropes and back body drops him. Then Vegito picks Spike up and starts pounding the shit out of him with jabs, hooks and uppercuts. Spike backs up into the corner trying to get away from the barrage of fists when Vegito Irish Whips Spike into the opposite corner and follows it up with a big splash. Spike slumps down in the corner.

Malenko: Vegito is kicking the crap out of Spike. I’m sure he’s doing this for Chronic and Mary Jane.

Dawe: Thank God I’m not Spike. I wouldn’t want to be him after this.

Vegito picks Spike up and sets him on the top turnbuckle. Then he climbs up to the top rope, pulling Spike up onto the top rope with him. Then Vegito grabs Spike by the throat, picks him up, twists in mid-air and choke slams Spike to the mat.

Dawe: Jesus Christ!!! I can’t believe I just saw that!! Vegito choke slammed Spike off the top turnbuckle!

Malenko: Oh My God!!! Spike might be dead!!!

The fans start to chant.

HOLY shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HOLY shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vegito slowly gets to his feet and grabs Spike by the collar, dragging him to the edge of the ring. Vegito tosses Spike out of the ring over the top rope and jumps down from the ring after him. Vegito hoists Spike up onto his shoulder and begins to run up the ramp with him. Once up to the stage, Vegito launches Spike headfirst into the steel framework of the stage. Spike bounces off and land in a bloody heap, busted open from the collision with the steel. Vegito picks Spike up once again and power bombs him into the six-foot grave. He jumps in after Spike landing squarely on Spike’s stomach. Spike begins coughing up blood as Vegito grabs a shovel and begins to beat Spike with it.

[Shane Powers]

Malenko: Vegito can’t win without tying Spike to the Crucifix first.

Dawe: I don’t think Vegito is trying to win, he’s trying to punish Spike.

Vegito heaves Spike out of the grave and climbs out. Suddenly “Stash Up (Chronic Mix)” by O.P.M. starts to play and Mary Jane slides through the curtain along with Shadow and Corpse.

Malenko: Corpse is here!!! I thought he had a personal emergency to take care of back in England.

Dawe: Obviously he wants a piece of Spike before he goes. But what I want to know is if Mary Jane, Corpse and Shadow are out here, where’s Chronic?

Malenko: I don’t know. You’re right he should be out here to see this. It was his girlfriend that got robbed by Spike after all.

Vegito stands Spike up, holding him for May Jane. Mary Jane walks up to Spike and spits in his face. Then she reaches back and slaps the taste out of his mouth. She slaps him again, and again and again as the crowd cheers. Then she rears back and kicks Spike in the balls. Vegito lets go of Spike as he doubles over. Mary Jane turns her back to Spike, reaches behind and grabs Spike by the back of the neck and drops strait down to the stage, delivering the Stoner Stunner to Spike. The fans go nuts as Mary Jane stands up and Vegito, Corpse and Shadow attack Spike like a pack of wild dogs. Vegito drags the bruised, bleeding, spent Spike to the crucifix. He lays Spike out on the crucifix and grabs the ropes. Shadow and Corpse stop Vegito with a hand on his shoulder. Vegito looks at his teammates as Corpse grins sadistically and pulls out three spikes while Shadow pulls out a hammer. Shadow holds Spike’s arm down, Corpse holds a spike against the palm of Spike’s hand and Vegito raises the hammer to strike.

Malenko: Oh My God! The Shades Of Sin are going to really crucify Spike!

Dawe: Well, his name IS Spike. Besides wasn’t Christ crucified along side two thieves?

Malenko: I believe you’re right. I think SOS is really trying to pound the message home that you mess with one member of SOS you mess with them all, if you’ll pardon the pun.

Vegito hammers down on the spike, driving the spike through the palm of the Thief’s hand and into the wood behind it. Spike cries out in pain and agony as Shadow, Corpse and Vegito continue to crucify Spike. When he is firmly nailed to the crucifix, the members of SOS hoist the crucifix up and turn it to face the Action Vision Screen. Spike slumps on the crucifix, barley conscious. The Action Vision Screen begins to flicker then shows the image of a locker room. The camera pans back to show Chronic standing there.

Malenko: There’s Chronic. He’s in Spike’s locker room.

Dawe: Why? What’s Chronic got up his sleeve?

Malenko: I’m not sure. Watch and find out.

Chronic looks into the camera with hatred on his face as he puffs on a joint. After a few moments Chronic speaks.

Chronic: Hey, wake up motherfucker! I want you to hear and see this.

Spike weakly raises his head, his face bruised, his nose broke, and his face full of scrapes and cuts. Chronic smiles at Spike as he sees the damage done to Spike by Shades Of Sin. When he is sure he has Spikes full, undivided attention he continues.

Chronic: Spike, I brought you into the world of ExWA and I’m about to take you out. I brought you into JWA:EWA as Darkstar. Then you changed your gimmick and became Wicked Jester. Even though we were often battling it out for the fans, you and I became good friends. I smoked my weed with you, fed you, let you crash on my couch and treated you as the true friend I thought you were. I stood by you through Jester Gate and when you decided to kill off the Wicked Jester character and become Spike. I was always there for you and how do you repay my friendship and kindness? You sneak in through our back sliding glass door, steal Mary Jane’s purse with all our money in it and sneak away like the pathetic coward you are. Did you really think that you would get away with that without having to face the consequences? You’re a poor, poor, stupid man. You should have known better, I tell everyone…you don’t smoke this Chronic, this Chronic smokes you. You didn’t believe me did you? Well maybe now you will believe me. As far as I’m concerned, you are dead to me, dead and buried.

Chronic reaches into a pair of Spikes pants and retrieves his wallet. He opens it to show the camera that the wallet is full of money, the money Spike stole plus all the money he has earned thus far in ExWA. Chronic slides the wallet into his pocket and smiles sadistically at the camera.

Chronic: An eye for an eye, you cock sucker. If I ever see you again, I’ll kill you myself. Burn in hell, motherfucker!

At those words, the Action Vision Screen flickers off and Vegito turns Spike around to show him to the crowd, letting everyone know what happens when you fuck with Shades Of Sin. Spike hangs limp, blood streaming down his face and body. Then with a mighty kick, Vegito knocks the crucifix over into the grave and picks up the shovel. He throws in three shovels full of dirt to win the match. The bell rings.

Norris Cole: The winner of the match…Vegito!!!

Malenko: Vegito did it! Spike got what he deserves.

Dawe: Wait, It’s not over yet. Look who’s on the stage now.

Chronic appears on stage next to the rest of SOS with two shovels. He hands one to Mary Jane and the stoner couple of ExWA begins to shovel the dirt into the grave, burying Spike completely. Once the grave is filled in, Chronic stands at the head of the grave, whips out his tallywacker and begins to piss on Spikes Grave.

Malenko: Now there’s a statement for you. I think Chronic is trying to say “Piss on you” to Spike. We’ll be right back ladies and gentlemen after these commercial announcements.

The camera fades to black as Shades Of Sin celebrate over Spikes Grave.


(OOC: That's right, Josh. This match was written by me, Chronic you bastard.)